Forgiveness

Forgiveness can change us...but it depends.  If I forgive someone because I am afraid I will lose something if I don't, I remain unchanged.  I might forgive because I fear the loss of financial security or companionship or something else I WANT.  If I forgive because I am supposed to based upon some religious or ethical teaching, I will remain unchanged.  I will still be holding some grudge, or resentment or hurt feelings.  But if I forgive based upon the motive of reminding someone of their value beneath all the mess they have made, then I can be changed.  They might not change, but I might.  It is the love that God gives us.  We are all children of God even though we might continue to do the same old mess.  Parents often forgive children even though the children don't change for the better.  The parent's love is because of the basic relationship.  This kind of love helps separate the one hurt from resentment and lots of other stuff that gets in the way of a love that transforms the lover.